Table of contents for 4 Questions to Facilitate Change

1. 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: An Introduction
2. 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: Where am I in My Life Right Now?
3. 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: Where do I most want to be in my life?
4. 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: What within me is in the way of getting to where I most want to be?

What within me is in the way of getting to where I most want to be?

Now that I have examined where I am in my life and where I would like to be, whether it is a tangible goal or a spiritual ideal, I need to examine what is in my way, what is blocking me from progressing to where I would like to most be. When pondering this question we need to look at what is limiting us, holding us back from our desired goal or state.

Limiting Beliefs

Most of the time what stops us from becoming the person we envision ourselves as being are limiting beliefs. We tell ourselves we are not good enough, that we can’t do it, we are not worthy, etc.  If I believe I can’t do something it makes sense that I will fail. If I tell my self that I am not good at something I won’t take the chance of exploring an opportunity farther.

I’ve had trouble writing this post over the last couple of days due to a belief I have:  I am not a good writer.  I tell myself that a lot and at times it makes writing blog posts agonizing.  I believe that I do not communicate my ideas clearly.  Yet, when I read the comments people leave I find that my belief is not true.

Affirmation Exercise

An exercise I was taught to do to overcome a limiting belief was to first turn it around into an affirmation.  So, rather than saying I can’t write and communicate my ideas clearly I can say I am an effective communicator writing clear and meaningful blog posts.

Now, I write that affirmation down and listen to the objection that comes to mind.  I write that down and then write my affirmation again and listen to the next objection.  I do that until there are no more objections.  My objections ranged from “you can’t write” to “no one is interested in what you write” and even had the “you’re stupid” pop into my head (that one I truly don’t believe).

At the end of the exercise I was able to come back and work on this post because I am an effective communicator and write clear and meaningful posts

What within me is in my way?

Now onto looking at what within me is in my way of  being present in the world as a healthy human being?  I’m going to go back to doing a brief meditation and asking that question.  What I see is a large hand pushing me back as I try to move.  I can’t move no matter how hard I push.  I feel defeated.  The phrases that come to mind are

• you are not dependable.
• you can’t do it because you’re disabled.
• it’s easier not trying.
• no one will believe you.
• just give up and be alone.

Wow, that’s pretty powerful stuff.  No wonder I feel stuck.   That hand that is pushing me back is all of those negative thoughts.  I need an affirmation to work with to turn the negative around.  Something simple like, I am a healthy, happy person.  I’m not going to do the writing exercise I mentioned above now but I will do it today to see what emerges.

Thoughts can be very powerful.  They can stop us from being the people we are able to be.  Thoughts can limit who we truly are. We need to find ways to overcome our limiting beliefs.  That leads us to the last question, what do I need to get to where I want to be?

Table of contents for 4 Questions to Facilitate Change

1. 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: An Introduction
2. 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: Where am I in My Life Right Now?
3. 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: Where do I most want to be in my life?
4. 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: What within me is in the way of getting to where I most want to be?

Where do I most want to be in my life?

Ah, this is the question of all questions. Most times when I ponder this question I can feel my heart soar. Even as I write this and think about the question I can feel my heart wanting to burst out and be free of the limitations of self. I feel like that bird with the broken wing who longs to fly once again.

In the introduction I mentioned that this question leads to a goal or dream but Jean at the cheerfulmonk left a comment that it takes a lot of stress of herself if she focuses “on being curious, exploring and having an adventure rather than pushing for a goal/dream.” Her comment made me think about approaching this question with a sense of wonderment. So, rather than approaching this question as having an end result like a goal I can meditate or think about the question with my heart and spirit opened to the possibilities that exist, not to necessarily limit myself to something tangible.

I read through some of my journals from the empowerment workshops I attended on Friendship Island and I found that the answers to where do I want to be in my life usually were images that were more symbolic and less goal oriented. I’ve already mentioned the bird who wants to soar. I also found a rose bush in full bloom, a diamond that shines brightly even though it’s flawed and an image of myself standing on the front of a large sailboat, arms opened wide to take in the love of others.

But, it has been a while since I’ve been to Friendship Island and when I’ve asked myself this question I’ve fallen into looking for an end point. There is nothing wrong with setting a goal or seeing myself achieve a dream but there are times I can place too much emphasis on a goal or and then be disappointed or even devastated when it doesn’t happen.

Many times when I ponder the question, where do I want to be, I see myself living a healthy life. I see myself eating well, exercising, socializing among friends and family, offering myself to the world as a healthy human being. That is my vision when I put the tangible, the place where I physically want to be. And, when I look at the 3rd question in this series, what within me is in the way of getting to where I most want to be, I will look at the physical things that do get in my way.

Jean has inspired me once again though to open myself to the more spiritual side of this question. I have to let go of the limits of my mind and open myself to the possibilities of the heart. I am open to be awe-inspired. I close my eyes and let go of thoughts and relax with my breathing. When I am relaxed I ask the question simply, where do I most want to be in my life?

I envision myself floating, weightless with nothing holding me down. Others are floating with me, light in spirit. The energy of love flows among us. I feel peaceful yet exhilarated. All is possible within the spirit.

Wow, what a feeling. With my eyes now opened and sharing with you I still feel the energy. Today I will take the vision and feeling of my meditation with me.

Tomorrow, I will look at the 3rd question, what within me is in the way of getting to where I most want to be?

Where do you most want to be in your life? Is it a tangible goal or dream or something more spiritual?

Table of contents for 4 Questions to Facilitate Change

1. 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: An Introduction
2. 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: Where am I in My Life Right Now?
3. 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: Where do I most want to be in my life?
4. 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: What within me is in the way of getting to where I most want to be?

Where am I in my life right now?

In order to change and grow I have to take stock of where I am in my life at this moment. I need to look at the positive and negative and accept the answers that I find. If I can’t accept my life as it is in the moment then I cannot truly change.

When I live in denial of who I am at a given moment I don’t have to take any action.

The alcoholic who is in denial doesn’t have to stop drinking because, of course, her drinking is not a problem. But once she takes that first step of admitting and accepting she is an alcoholic, that her drinking is a problem, and wanting to change then action is required.

For me, denial keeps me stuck and hitting the proverbial brick wall and asking myself why things don’t change. I blame things like having fibromyalgia and depression for my lot in life. I rely on excuses to cover up my failings. I sit and wish that things were different and when I try to make changes I seem to always end up back where I started. I don’t have a true sense of self or my position in life making it impossible to move forward.

Acceptance is the key to change.

Yet when I accept where and who I am then I can start to take the steps needed to work towards where I want to be. By asking the question, who am I right now and seeing my self in a true light, without judgement, then I can stop fighting, making excuses or hiding. Action then becomes a requirement if I truly want my life to change. I become humble.

Acceptance is an act of humility.

Humility for me comes down to accepting who I am at any given moment of time and being willing to take the steps required to become who I know I can be. Being humble doesn’t mean walking with my head hung low or being ashamed of who I am — that for me is humiliation. It means knowing who I am and my place in the world, being right sized, while reaching towards the person I know I can be (the second question in this series).

When I see myself as less than or more than I am then I am not being true to myself, I am not right sized. I tend to see myself as less than who I am, limiting myself in the present and stunting my growth to the true person I can become. Yet when I take stock of myself I can see my talents and how they fit into the world around me.

As I said in the introduction this question can be all encompassing like I have been writing about here or can be applied to a specific area in our lives or even down to a specific issue. For me, asking myself where I am in my life right now is a question I need to ask periodically and especially when I feel stuck in a rut. It’s good practice to take stock of ourselves once in a while.

Meditation Exercise

Usually when I am asking this question as all encompassing I meditate on it. And, the meditation practice is very simple. I close my eyes and get into a comfortable position, breathe in and out slowly, concentrating on my breath and relax. I picture myself in serene surroundings, for me that is the beach with a warm breeze and the sound of the waves gently hitting the beach. And then I ask myself the question, “where am I in my life right now?”

I let the answer come to me. Sometimes it is phrases I hear mixed with images of me living life as it is. Other times it’s just an image, a symbol, like a bird who can’t fly because of a broken wing. It’s important not to judge what comes to mind. The, when I am done I write down what came to me or draw the images.

Spot check yourself

Other times I like to ask myself this question in the format of, “where am I right now?” Then listen to the firs thought or visualize the first image that comes to mind. This is useful when I am feeling overwhelmed or frustrated in a situation. Again, it’s important not to judge the answer that comes to mind or dismiss it. Many times for me that first thought or image is the truest and yet it is easy to dismiss or deny the first answer.

So, where am I in my life right now?

In my previous post, An Evolutionary Process, I answered the question of who I am right now, admitting that I am in a comfortable rut. I am not unhappy with life but I lack a passion to strive towards any dreams or betterment of myself, afraid that I might not be able to achieve more, that I might not reach those dreams, therefore it is better just to be content with where I am. I see myself living comfortably in my apartment with my computers and televisions and cat, Jack and letting life go on around me.

It’s nice but if I am truly humble then I know this is not the person I was meant to be in this world. That brings me to the second question in this series, “where do I most want to be in my life?”

Table of contents for 4 Questions to Facilitate Change

1. 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: An Introduction
2. 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: Where am I in My Life Right Now?
3. 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: Where do I most want to be in my life?
4. 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: What within me is in the way of getting to where I most want to be?

This is a first in a series that I am doing about 4 Questions to Ask to Facilitate Change.

Introduction

I had a fair amount of time over the last few days to think since I wasn’t feeling well and unable to go on my trip to Chicago. I started thinking about retreats I started taking back in the summer of 1985 on Friendship Island in Maine. The retreats were “empowerment workshops” for women led by one or two people from the therapeutic community and other holistic practitioners like massage therapists and healers. For several years I would spend one summer weekend on that island with no phones and no interruptions. They are memorable times.

Each workshop would start on a Friday night with a guided meditation that centered around 4 questions. The wording of the questions changed year to year depending upon the area in our lives being explored but in general they go like so.

1. Where am I in my life right now?
2. Where do I most want to be in my life?
3. What within me is in the way of getting to where I most want to be?
4. What do I need to get to where I want to be?

The beauty of these questions is that they can be worded to deal with a specific area in our lives or all encompassing when we feel that we are off the beam. They can be answered quickly to see what comes right to mind or meditated on to find that voice inside ourselves.

As I looked through my notebooks and saw the different answers I had from year to year it was eye opening. In my 20s I focused a lot on relationships, especially the romantic kind. In my 30s I was learning to live with the fibromyalgia and how that defined me. In my 40s I know where I am right now and am in a comfortable rut. It’s a good time for me to start asking these questions and moving forward with the answers.

The first question is about taking inventory of who I am at this point in time. The second question leads to a goal or dream. The third question is what is limiting me to achieving my goal or dream. And, the last question is what I need to be the person I envision being. I will elaborate more on each question over the next week as how I view them and how they apply to me right now.

Do you have a routine of taking stock of where you are in your life and where you would like to be?

I woke up early this morning with the sun streaming in through my window and a purring cat in my face.  I went to the kitchen and made coffee and I have to say the coffee is near perfect.  The birds are chirping outside as I write this post and I have to say, life is good.

I am not a religious person but I do believe in a power greater than myself, whether it be God or the Universe.  I keep my heart opened to what that higher power has to offer me.  I have a friend who is Baha’i and have gone on a few retreats with her that have enriched my spiritual beliefs and life.  At one retreat I came across a prayer that sang to me and I thought about it last night after I wrote my post on evolving.  The prayer is

God!  Refresh and gladden my spirit.  Purify my heart.  Illumine my powers.  I lay all my affairs in Thy hand.  Thou art my Guide and my Refuge.  I will no longer be sorrowful and grieved; I will be a happy and joyful being.  O God!  I will no longer be full of anxiety, nor will I let trouble harass me.  I will not dwell on the unpleasant things of life. 

O God!  Thou art more friend to me than I am to myself.  I dedicate myself to Thee, O Lord. 

When I woke up this morning I felt my spirit had been refreshed and gladdened.  Today I am turning my worries and fears over to the Universe.  By letting go of my troubles I can open my heart up to others and be of service in some way.

How do you refresh your spirit?