Happy Easter. What a beautiful day already and it isn’t even 9am. This weather is just a tease though I hope it is a sign of good weather to come for the summer. I live for the summer and being outside and at the pool. Where I live the yard is beautifully landscaped, has a pool and even a waterfall! I couldn’t ask for more.

I love spring. It’s when everything starts coming back to life and I feel that is true for me. I come out of hibernation. It’s easier to go outside, I don’t need to bundle up against the cold, put boots on to protect against the snow and wait for the car to warm up to stop shivering. I can throw on a pair of shoes or sandals, a sweater and just jump in the car and drive off.

My spirit also lifts this time of year. The sun burns away the cobwebs in my mind an my soul and lets me shine once again. I feel like the daffodils in my front yard. During the winter they are protected by the snow covering and lay dormant until the first days of spring where their buds start to grow and blossom till their colors pop all around the still dead brush that has yet to spring back to life.

My mind is already filled with new ventures and ideas to work with in the days to come. I may have a new client to work with and I am working on setting up a new blog to cover the different Apple products I use. I plan on redesigning this site and contributing more including the personal stories I have been writing lately. All that is going on in my head as I dream about the hot days of summer to come, mornings working and afternoons by the pool.

I love sitting outside looking at the scenery around me, watching Jack the cat eat as much grass and bushes as he can and stretch out in the sun, listening to a good book on my iPhone or playing or working on the computer while enjoying a cool breeze. A nice iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts completes that scene!

Well, family is coming over today and I need to get ready. Happy Easter to all who celebrate and a happy day to all.

photo credit: ArtBrom

A little late this morning doing my writing. I didn’t know what to write about. My dentist visit went fine yesterday except that I need to have a root canal done on my back tooth before that crown can be done so I am going Monday for the root canal. More money that I don’t have to spend. That’s because I keep spending it on gadgets and tech stuff. I’m a bit of a shopaholic!

So yesterday the dragon was slain and I faced going to the dentist. I let him work on the tooth that already had a root canal without Novocain. I was quite brave for me considering drills scare the heck out of me. Then, all I needed was one shot of Novocain for the second tooth. There was some discomfort in one area but I didn’t want another shot of Novocain so I lived with it. I was not happy to learn that I need another root canal but at least I don’t have an abscess and pain like i did with the last tooth. I can always find something good out of a bad situation

I was reading Twitter this morning and the question came up about what we are doing to move ourselves forward today. My answer is that I am going to watch and follow tutorials on Dreamweaver for developing websites and search engine optimization. The SEO is most important with moving forward since that is the direction I want to take career-wise. I am looking forward to learning more and more and making some good money optimizing websites for people. I already know something about SEO but it’s time to bring my skills to the next level and put them to use.

If I am going to keep spending money like I am then I need to start making more! I also have eBay auctions to put together to sell my father’s magic props. We are waiting for a lighting kit that has umbrellas, lights and different color muslim fabric so that I can take some nice photos of the props he wants to sell. I just ordered a new 10.2 camera that should take better close-up shots than my 3.2 camera. See, I can’t stop spending. At least I can write off some of my purchases on my taxes

I feel good about moving forward. I have been stagnant for quite a while now, wanting to change what I was doing but not doing anything about it. Now I am doing tutorials and taking workshops and it is exciting. Just got a call though on my workshop and April was cancelled so I am not doing it until May. That’s fine though. It gives me time to do the tutorials and maybe set up a website that I can practice some of the skills I learned and have questions to ask at the workshop.

Let’s move forward today!

Today I have to change my attitude. Today is an adventure! Oh, and what an adventure it is going to be. At 10am I will be at the dentist and that glorious sounding drill will make its way into my mouth and whittle down my teeth, my sensitive teeth, so that I can have 2 crowns put on. I will view this day as an adventure.

photo credit: Mark_Campo The good news is that I am awake and ready to face the day. Many times I would still be in bed dreading the day, being anxious and telling myself I can’t do it and talk myself into canceling the appointment and putting off the inevitable. But, today I believe. I believe that I can face the dentist and slay the dragon. Believe in the impossible, slaying the dragon and seeing today as an adventure, facing the dragon. Putting the lessons I have been writing about to use.

I don’t have to look far for an example of someone who has slain the dragon. My dad has had prostate cancer twice as well as repeat bouts of bladder cancer and for all that he has gone through he has faced those challenges as an adventure. I know that he still had doubts and anxiety at times but he did what he had to do and he did it with a positive attitude. He talked about the adventure, not wishing the cancer away, not hiding from the treatments he needed, not anger or depression of why me. He faced that dragon and said what have we got here. If I have an ounce of that courage, of his positive attitude, that sense of the adventure of life then I am a lucky woman.

I don’t want to sound like I don’t have any courage because I have slain some dragons in my time. I have slain the demon of alcoholism and drug addiction many years ago. I lived the adventure of going back to college when I thought I wasn’t very intelligent and learned that I am actually quite smart. I didn’t run from my mother’s illness and talked with her about death and dying when others didn’t want to face the truth. Even with the dentist I have faced my fear and gone with an attitude of humor.

So today I don’t even have to slay the dragon, he has been slain. I just have to view this day as an adventure. After writing this I am not even anxious. I will take this day as it comes, with humor and wonderment. That is the person I am inside and who I want to be today. I will be me!

photo credit: Clair Graubner

We went and saw Alice in Wonderland last night in 3D IMAX. It was awesome. 3D has come so far and the animation was great. I was impressed. The theme of the movie was believing in the impossible, talking cats, drinks that shrink you, cake that makes you grow, and so on. So, that is the theme of my day, believe in the impossible.

Many times I tell myself I can’t do something and it stops me from living life to the fullest. Even the simple things in life like going to the gym. Today I want to say, “I hurt too much to go to the gym” and believe it so that I don’t have to go to the gym. Granted, I do hurt today and it wouldn’t be unreasonable to say I hurt enough that going to the gym would be detrimental. But, hold on a second, I can believe in the impossible right…I may hurt and it may not be good to go to the gym but what if I believed that it was good to go to the gym, that the pain will pass, that I don’t have to do a complete workout but only what I am capable of doing. I can believe in that. Believe in the positive rather than the negative.

That’s what believing in the impossible is, believing in the positive. Take the negative out of the equation. I may not believe in talking animals and a drink that shrinks me but I believe in the positive. Isn’t that what prayer is, asking for a positive result? I believe in the power of prayer, the power of positive thinking. These are intangibles that can’t be measured and many times ask for an impossible result but it happens. I learned not to question why just to believe!

I believe I can work through the pain today and live life to the fullest I possibly can. I will stretch my brain to unimagined heights that will bring on a wave of creativity. I will envision myself doing more than the limitations I usually put on myself. I believe I can and I will!

I have been trying to work out what I want to do in life, using my skills to their fullest while also being challenged always to learn more. I envision myself working with websites, optimizing them for visitors as well as search engines. Becoming a Search Engine Optimizer. What a title! I can see myself doing that kind of work while respecting my fibromyalgia and how that affects the kind of work I can do. I see myself meeting with clients, working at home in my nice office with the music playing and optimizing sites to help get visitors from search engines.

I understand search engine optimization a bit from my past job but need to learn more. Today I will sign up for the SEO workshop in April to continue on my journey. Not only do I believe I can do this, I know I can. I will work with the tutorials and sites I already have to increase my knowledge. This is the positive in my life.

How do you believe in the impossible? Where has the power of positive thought brought you in life? Please share your experiences, it would help me a great deal.

photo credit: carolynconner

Yesterday was another wasted day.  I got up, had coffee, made dad breakfast and then went back to bed.  I was completely and utterly exhausted.  I can’t believe I slept through the day and night.  I guess going out and socializing like I did on Saturday is fatiguing.  I forget sometimes because I don’t get out often.  I’m supposed to go out this Tuesday to see Alice in Wonderland at the IMAX theater.  I hope it doesn’t do the same thing!  Wednesday I have gym and dad counts on me to drive him.

The reason I have days like that is because I have an illness call fibromyalgia which causes wide-spread muscle pain and chronic fatigue.  Sometimes I find the fatigue so overwhelming that I can’t get out of bed and function for a day or two.  It’s a real bummer

Sometimes when I sleep like that I have great and wild dreams.  I don’t remember any from yesterday and last night but I’m sure I had a few.  I’ve dreamed that I lived alternate lives, lived on a different planet and many times I am different people.  I love it when my mother is in my dreams because I feel like she is visiting me from the beyond.

So, maybe I have to look at the days when I need the sleep not as wasted days but days where my brain is free to create.  When I am awake and functional I tend to put restrictions on my creativity, it has to fit to social norms and my own reasoning of what is right and true.  My thinking centers within this life I am living, not an alternative reality or a life on another planet.  Surely if I told someone that I think I will be someone else for a day they would think I was a little off my rocker or training to be an actor!

Maybe what I need to do is take the feelings I derive from my dreamworld and bring them into my awake world.  I love to dream and most of my dreams bring wondrous feelings.  Rather than living with the restrictions I put on myself I need to look at the day ahead of me with wondrous delight.  For each task or appointment ahead of me I wonder what incite and joy it will bring me rather than looking at it as another thing I have to do today.

Now, I have to try and do that with my dentist appointment I have on Thursday for prep work for 2 crowns I am having done.  I hate dental work.  It generally causes some form of pain.  When I had my root canal it was quite painful when she put Novocain into the nerve of my tooth.  What I did take away from that experience though was that the muscle pain I live with daily is quite manageable in comparison to the acute pain that caused.

What is wondrous about visiting the dentist?  I suppose I can learn about the position of my teeth, what is distal and what is lingual on a tooth.  I do listen to what the dentist and his assistant are saying and sometimes I even ask what something means when I don’t have instruments and drills in my mouth.  I can look at my dental appointment as a chance to learn something that maybe at some later time I can share with someone else.  It will be a learning experience!

Today I have the gym with dad.  I don’t usually look forward to going.  But today I will look at my excursion to the gym through wondrous eyes.  What will I see at the gym today?  An elderly woman running on the treadmill?  People pushing themselves to the limit?  Me, moving and stretching to make myself feel better?  It shall be an adventure!

photo credit: M-Haftek

How are you looking forward to today?

Last night I went to my friend Laurel’s house to celebrate Persian New Year, Naw Ruz. My dad was invited too and I think he had a nice time. It was nice seeing some of Laurel’s relatives that I haven’t seen in a few years. I was glad to get out for a change. I was worried that I wouldn’t because I woke up at 4:30am and was wiped out by mid-afternoon. But I was determined to go and we made it!

Sometimes I can be hard on my dad, argue points with him that in the larger picture really don’t matter. Last night was one of those nights. I think it was because I was tired that I had to argue different issues with him and be the one who was right. I do that with other people to but it seems to be more obvious with my dad. I think because he is the closest person to me right now and since we live together. I pick on him too though he teases me back as well. I am such a horrible daughter

Anyway, the lesson I need to learn is to allow people to be who they are, not always have to argue points and be right or be better or have more to say them them. I need to change my attitude towards people allowing them to be. I don’t have to always be right, be better or have more to say. I just have to be too. That means changing my perspective and accepting myself and others as we are.

Change and acceptance as two hard concepts to implement. It’s easy to say but a tall order to fill sometimes. Changing the way I interact in people is certainly one tall order! Accepting others and myself is even a bigger challenge.

You might ask yourself how I can change at the same time accepting who I am because part of who I am is that argumentative person, right? Well, it’s simple. By accepting who I am allows me to change. First, I have to accept that part of me, a a part I don’t like, and make a decision then to change. Only by acknowledging it can I change it, if I deny that part of me then I don’t have to change. But see, I know that character fault is a part of me and now I want to change it. Plus, I accept that I want to change who I am. Acceptance is the key, Change is the answer.

So, I will let you know how I do in future posts. How argumentative I still am, where I let things be and accept others for who they are, and when I feel I’m turning the corner and really changing. I do believe I can change.

Do you have a character fault you need to accept and change within yourself? Have you changed, do you believe you can change?

Not a bad day, not a bad day at all!

Another day older…another day poorer!

So today I feel like I am 47 if not older…I’m ready for bed and it’s only 4:30pm.  That’s what old age does to you I guess.

Just an update on what my day was about…not much to tell. I did have a nice time at the party last night.

Check out befunky at www.befunky.com

Ellen