Where am I in my life right now?

In order to change and grow I have to take stock of where I am in my life at this moment. I need to look at the positive and negative and accept the answers that I find. If I can’t accept my life as it is in the moment then I cannot truly change.

When I live in denial of who I am at a given moment I don’t have to take any action.

The alcoholic who is in denial doesn’t have to stop drinking because, of course, her drinking is not a problem. But once she takes that first step of admitting and accepting she is an alcoholic, that her drinking is a problem, and wanting to change then action is required.

For me, denial keeps me stuck and hitting the proverbial brick wall and asking myself why things don’t change. I blame things like having fibromyalgia and depression for my lot in life. I rely on excuses to cover up my failings. I sit and wish that things were different and when I try to make changes I seem to always end up back where I started. I don’t have a true sense of self or my position in life making it impossible to move forward.

Acceptance is the key to change.

Yet when I accept where and who I am then I can start to take the steps needed to work towards where I want to be. By asking the question, who am I right now and seeing my self in a true light, without judgement, then I can stop fighting, making excuses or hiding. Action then becomes a requirement if I truly want my life to change. I become humble.

Acceptance is an act of humility.

Humility for me comes down to accepting who I am at any given moment of time and being willing to take the steps required to become who I know I can be. Being humble doesn’t mean walking with my head hung low or being ashamed of who I am — that for me is humiliation. It means knowing who I am and my place in the world, being right sized, while reaching towards the person I know I can be (the second question in this series).

When I see myself as less than or more than I am then I am not being true to myself, I am not right sized. I tend to see myself as less than who I am, limiting myself in the present and stunting my growth to the true person I can become. Yet when I take stock of myself I can see my talents and how they fit into the world around me.

As I said in the introduction this question can be all encompassing like I have been writing about here or can be applied to a specific area in our lives or even down to a specific issue. For me, asking myself where I am in my life right now is a question I need to ask periodically and especially when I feel stuck in a rut. It’s good practice to take stock of ourselves once in a while.

Meditation Exercise

Usually when I am asking this question as all encompassing I meditate on it. And, the meditation practice is very simple. I close my eyes and get into a comfortable position, breathe in and out slowly, concentrating on my breath and relax. I picture myself in serene surroundings, for me that is the beach with a warm breeze and the sound of the waves gently hitting the beach. And then I ask myself the question, “where am I in my life right now?”

I let the answer come to me. Sometimes it is phrases I hear mixed with images of me living life as it is. Other times it’s just an image, a symbol, like a bird who can’t fly because of a broken wing. It’s important not to judge what comes to mind. The, when I am done I write down what came to me or draw the images.

Spot check yourself

Other times I like to ask myself this question in the format of, “where am I right now?” Then listen to the firs thought or visualize the first image that comes to mind. This is useful when I am feeling overwhelmed or frustrated in a situation. Again, it’s important not to judge the answer that comes to mind or dismiss it. Many times for me that first thought or image is the truest and yet it is easy to dismiss or deny the first answer.

So, where am I in my life right now?

In my previous post, An Evolutionary Process, I answered the question of who I am right now, admitting that I am in a comfortable rut. I am not unhappy with life but I lack a passion to strive towards any dreams or betterment of myself, afraid that I might not be able to achieve more, that I might not reach those dreams, therefore it is better just to be content with where I am. I see myself living comfortably in my apartment with my computers and televisions and cat, Jack and letting life go on around me.

It’s nice but if I am truly humble then I know this is not the person I was meant to be in this world. That brings me to the second question in this series, “where do I most want to be in my life?”