Archive for May, 2007
My Musical Potrait
May 21st
I came across this site yesterday where you “sit” for a musical portrait and end up with a 5 minute musical composition. The site is the Lifehouse Method and one of its creators is Pete Townsend of The Who.
The “sitting” is interesting. The process is as follows.
- Upload a picture that best describes you or your mood.
- Record a snippet of your voice.
- Record a sound, either upload a file, record from your microphone or use a sound on their site.
- Record a rhythm, either upload, record, or tap a rhythm out with your mouse.
- Wait for your composition. You can downloaded it and share it with others.
My composition feels very peaceful to me with an intermingling of energy and movement. It starts off quietly and then brings in an even keeled tempo. Yesterday when I listened to it I thought of it reflecting my down mood but today when I listen to it I feel a simple quality of contentment. I’ll let you listen for yourself.
Ellen’s Theme
(You may need to turn your volume up to hear the audio)
Try it out for yourself at Lifehouse Method. What does your musical portrait express?
Without The Rain There Woud Be No Hope
May 20th
I’ve been feeling a down the last few days. We have been having rainy, cool weather that is not good for the fibromyalgia, it sometimes causes a flare in symptoms, and it doesn’t seem to be good for my mood either. Tomorrow looks to be cloudy and cool as well so I am in for another day of gloom, or at least I thought until I woke up this morning and looked outside. There I saw why we need the rain and it gave me some hope that there will be a brighter future.
The field behind where I live has transformed in the last few days changing from bare trees to a lush, green, beautiful sight. And, it will keep on transforming until I can’t see the pond behind the trees. My heart lifted from the depression I was feeling for those moments I looked over the field. It has returned, I am not sure why, but I know that it will leave and hope will return.
4 Questions to Facilitate Change: What within me is in the way of getting to where I most want to be?
May 19th
Table of contents for 4 Questions to Facilitate Change
- 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: An Introduction
- 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: Where am I in My Life Right Now?
- 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: Where do I most want to be in my life?
- 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: What within me is in the way of getting to where I most want to be?
What within me is in the way of getting to where I most want to be?
Now that I have examined where I am in my life and where I would like to be, whether it is a tangible goal or a spiritual ideal, I need to examine what is in my way, what is blocking me from progressing to where I would like to most be. When pondering this question we need to look at what is limiting us, holding us back from our desired goal or state.
Limiting Beliefs
Most of the time what stops us from becoming the person we envision ourselves as being are limiting beliefs. We tell ourselves we are not good enough, that we can’t do it, we are not worthy, etc. If I believe I can’t do something it makes sense that I will fail. If I tell my self that I am not good at something I won’t take the chance of exploring an opportunity farther.
I’ve had trouble writing this post over the last couple of days due to a belief I have: I am not a good writer. I tell myself that a lot and at times it makes writing blog posts agonizing. I believe that I do not communicate my ideas clearly. Yet, when I read the comments people leave I find that my belief is not true.
4 Questions to Facilitate Change: Where do I most want to be in my life?
May 16th
Table of contents for 4 Questions to Facilitate Change
- 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: An Introduction
- 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: Where am I in My Life Right Now?
- 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: Where do I most want to be in my life?
- 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: What within me is in the way of getting to where I most want to be?
Where do I most want to be in my life?
Ah, this is the question of all questions. Most times when I ponder this question I can feel my heart soar. Even as I write this and think about the question I can feel my heart wanting to burst out and be free of the limitations of self. I feel like that bird with the broken wing who longs to fly once again.
In the introduction I mentioned that this question leads to a goal or dream but Jean at the cheerfulmonk left a comment that it takes a lot of stress of herself if she focuses “on being curious, exploring and having an adventure rather than pushing for a goal/dream.” Her comment made me think about approaching this question with a sense of wonderment. So, rather than approaching this question as having an end result like a goal I can meditate or think about the question with my heart and spirit opened to the possibilities that exist, not to necessarily limit myself to something tangible.
I read through some of my journals from the empowerment workshops I attended on Friendship Island and I found that the answers to where do I want to be in my life usually were images that were more symbolic and less goal oriented. I’ve already mentioned the bird who wants to soar. I also found a rose bush in full bloom, a diamond that shines brightly even though it’s flawed and an image of myself standing on the front of a large sailboat, arms opened wide to take in the love of others.
Home is Where I am Lord and Master…Over My Cat
May 15th
It’s Open Mic Niteover at Successul Blog at 7pm Chicago time and the topic is the Joys of Being Home and so I thought I would write a little post about being at home and why I love my home.
When you come to visit you wouldn’t be very impressed with the outside of my home. It’s contained in a 6 story, brick apartment building on a major route. After I buzz you in I have you take the elevator up to the 5th floor and walk down a long hallway reminiscent of a hotel until you reach my door. I greet you and have you come in and see my square box of an apartment. It is nicely carpeted, artwork and photos adorn the walls and a mish mash of furniture and electronics scattered throughout.Â
Knick knacks, mostly from my mother and my oldest sister Susan cover the standing baker’s rack from my parents. The dining room table, too large for the room but also passed down to me from my folks, may be covered with unopened mail and magazines. I have you come in and sit down on my sofa that is positioned just so that I can see my wide screen television and have just the right audio from my surround sound system.
That’s when I point out to you that most of the artwork was created by my sister Libby who is a wonderful illustrator and graphic designer. Then I run into my office, the second bedroom of my apartment, and grab out my photo albums to show you pictures of family, friends and my travels. I don’t really want you to go into my office because it currently houses 2 working computers, 2 broken ones for parts to be salvaged from to fix my friend’s computer, overflowing bookshelves with my favorite books and boxes of old software programs and lastly, paper, lots of paper. Enough paper that I could start a recycling plant!
4 Questions to Facilitate Change: Where am I in My Life Right Now?
May 14th
Table of contents for 4 Questions to Facilitate Change
- 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: An Introduction
- 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: Where am I in My Life Right Now?
- 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: Where do I most want to be in my life?
- 4 Questions to Facilitate Change: What within me is in the way of getting to where I most want to be?
Where am I in my life right now?
In order to change and grow I have to take stock of where I am in my life at this moment. I need to look at the positive and negative and accept the answers that I find. If I can’t accept my life as it is in the moment then I cannot truly change.
When I live in denial of who I am at a given moment I don’t have to take any action.
The alcoholic who is in denial doesn’t have to stop drinking because, of course, her drinking is not a problem. But once she takes that first step of admitting and accepting she is an alcoholic, that her drinking is a problem, and wanting to change then action is required.
For me, denial keeps me stuck and hitting the proverbial brick wall and asking myself why things don’t change. I blame things like having fibromyalgia and depression for my lot in life. I rely on excuses to cover up my failings. I sit and wish that things were different and when I try to make changes I seem to always end up back where I started. I don’t have a true sense of self or my position in life making it impossible to move forward.
Acceptance is the key to change.
Yet when I accept where and who I am then I can start to take the steps needed to work towards where I want to be. By asking the question, who am I right now and seeing my self in a true light, without judgement, then I can stop fighting, making excuses or hiding. Action then becomes a requirement if I truly want my life to change. I become humble.
4 Questions to Facilitate Change: An Introduction
May 13th
Table of contents for 4 Questions to Facilitate Change
This is a first in a series that I am doing about 4 Questions to Ask to Facilitate Change.
Introduction
I had a fair amount of time over the last few days to think since I wasn’t feeling well and unable to go on my trip to Chicago. I started thinking about retreats I started taking back in the summer of 1985 on Friendship Island in Maine. The retreats were “empowerment workshops” for women led by one or two people from the therapeutic community and other holistic practitioners like massage therapists and healers. For several years I would spend one summer weekend on that island with no phones and no interruptions. They are memorable times.
Each workshop would start on a Friday night with a guided meditation that centered around 4 questions. The wording of the questions changed year to year depending upon the area in our lives being explored but in general they go like so.
- Where am I in my life right now?
- Where do I most want to be in my life?
- What within me is in the way of getting to where I most want to be?
- What do I need to get to where I want to be?
The beauty of these questions is that they can be worded to deal with a specific area in our lives or all encompassing when we feel that we are off the beam. They can be answered quickly to see what comes right to mind or meditated on to find that voice inside ourselves.
The Difficulty of Taking Care of Self
May 11th
One of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with living with a chronic illness is taking care of myself and making sure I get what I need. Like some other people I’ve met I tend to put the needs of others before myself. Unfortunately when I do that I end up with a flare-up with my fibromyalgia resulting in the inability to take care of myself or do for others.
It’s a reality I deal with and this week I tried to take care of business before going off to SOBCon, a conference featuring bloggers from all over the U.S. I thought I was taking care of myself but the truth was I wasn’t listening to my body when it started aching more, I just pushed harder. The result was a flare-up of the fibromyalgia that I was unprepared for and I had to cancel going to Chicago for the event.Â
It was a hard decision to make and while I feel a bit better today, flying to Chicago would have been difficult at best and my worry was that I would have spent Saturday in bed rather than down at the conference listening to all the wonderful speakers (although I could have done like Ellen DeGeneres did last week and have my bed down in the conference room 
).   It wasn’t easy to accept not going to Chicago. I hate when I can’t do something I had planned. The reality in life is that we don’t always get to do what we had planned, chronic illness or not.
Wonderful Teas at Adagio Teas
May 6th
If you are a tea lover you need to check out Adagio Teas. They sell loose teas and teaware to make sitting down with a cup of tea a wonderfully aromatic experience. No, I don’t work for them or anything, I’ve just been drinking their tea, hot and cold for the last few days.
An acquaintance suggested I try out the tea so I visited the website and found that they offer quite a selection and have a clever teapot to make cups of tea. So, I ordered 2 starter kits, one for me and one for a friend. Then, I saw the iced tea set and got that too. I do love to shop.
So far I have had hot English breakfast tea and blood orange and then I made a pitcher of blood orange iced tea. I love the blood orange tea, both hot and cold. The aroma that fills my house is absolutely delightful.
I love using the IngenuiTea pot to make my cup of tea. It’s so easy to brew a cup and it’s the best cup of tea I’ve had in a while.
If you are a tea lover you may want to check out Adagio Teas. I’m going to splurge and try out their white peach and oriental spice teas.
Do you have a favorite brand or flavor of tea that you love?
The Gift
May 5th
The greatest gifts in my life to this day was having an adult relationship with my mother where she was more than mom, she was a flawed, imperfect yet beautiful woman. I miss her so very, very much.
When I was a child I only really knew my mother from afar. You see, I was the 7th of 8 children (my mother’s nickname was Bunny) and my mother had little time to spend with me. As a teenager she was emotionally and sometimes physically unavailable because of illness, both physical and mental. But I will say one thing. I know regardless of the circumstances that she loved me. I’ve never doubted that.
As a teenager I got involved with alcohol and drugs and there really wasn’t a parent there to reign me in. In my early 20s I hit bottom and got professional help. Part of that help was therapy. During therapy I went back in my childhood to examine and then heal the hurt, the wounds. It was hard work and I went through a time where I felt the pain of not having my mother available during my childhhod. My therapist guided me through that time and brought me to a place where I began to see my mother as more than just mom, she was a person, a woman who had been through some horrible things in her life both as a child and an adult.
